I Still See Him
by AzureKate
Summary: "William has a lot of psychological damage from being under XANA's control for so long and he often has nightmares about killing his only friends that don't even trust him anymore." William is freed and XANA is gone, but William's mind still can't handle the guilt of all that he did. Only Aelita is willing to get close to him afterwards, and maybe Yumi just isnt for William at all.
1. 01- Nightmares

_William held onto the reins of his blank manta over the Digital Sea, moving toward where the Lyoko Warriors were. He saw Odd on his Overboard and sped toward the unsuspecting tiger, slashing him with his sword. Instead of devirtualizing, the slash became real. Odd plummeted down to the Digital Sea. In a wave, the sea turned deep red from Odd's blood. William stared down at it, wide-eyed. He felt a terrible pain in his heart. But, feeling a strong impulse, he steered his manta toward the other unsuspecting warriors._

_He saw Aelita next. She was kneeling in the center of a rock platform, singing. A rock was forming in response to her beautiful resonating tune. William directed his manta toward her. Swooping down, he slashed her from behind and she collapsed, blooding spreading out around her. The rocks she had been constructing froze and fell. A terrible chill shot down William's spine and he felt like whimpering, but the awful impulse pushed him on, and he flew in the direction in which he could hear the hum of the Overbike._

_Surely enough, Ulrich came into sight, speeding past rocks on his bike. William shot a laser at him and hit the wheel of his bike, causing it to explode. He flew forward and crashed into a rock, unmoving. William's stomach turned when he at last saw blood. Finally, he turned his manta and sped toward a group of floating rocks. He tried desperately to fight the impulse, but still went onward toward the final Lyoko Warrior._

_Yumi was practicing her telekinesis with some boulders. They were spinning around and over her as her power increased. William jumped off his manta a few feet away from Yumi, readying his sword to kill her, as well. She was completely unaware of his presence. His heart screamed as he desperately tried to fight the impulse. He so desperately did not want to kill Yumi. Amidst the battle with himself, he let a whimper escape. Yumi gasped and turned around, locking eyes with him. He raised his sword with shaky arms and Yumi was paralyzed, taken completely off guard._

"_No, William!" she cried. But it was too late. The evil forced inside of William took him over and he stabbed her through the chest. She collapsed, dead. Staring down at her, he finally started to cry. He looked up at the orange sky and screamed._

William shot up in his bed, screaming. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, just like in his dream. He grabbed his head, unable to handle his nightmares. Finally, the door flew open and Jim jumped inside.

"Dunbar! Dunbar!" he cried, grabbing William's shoulders and shaking him. "For god's sakes, Dunbar! Calm down!"

William's screams broke into cries and he buried his face into his hands. Jim stared at him.

"This is the third time this week, Dunbar…Maybe you should see the counselor."

William just fell back onto his bed, sobbing. Jim stood awkwardly for a moment, and then patted his shoulder.

"Try to go back to sleep, Dunbar. If you wake up screaming again, I think the other students will start to get angry."

Jim quietly left the room and William was left alone again. But he didn't go back to sleep. He feared killing his friends, again. Too often he had dreams of murdering them. In all honesty, William was _afraid _of sleep.

The next day, William sat in his science class, listening to Mrs. Hertz ramble on and on about something. His chin was resting in the palm of his hand, and he was trying his best to stay awake. His eyes kept closing and his head would bob, nearly falling off of his hand, but he'd wake up. He'd listen to a few words of the lecture, and then almost fall asleep again.

"Mr. Dunbar!" Mrs. Hertz called. "Care to tell us the answer?"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Hertz," William mumbled.

"Please stay after class," Mrs. Hertz said before resuming her lesson. William's struggle with consciousness continued. Finally, he couldn't stay awake any longer and drifted into sleep. In the short time he was asleep, he saw Yumi's face once again. She was crying, and he saw his sword was once again planted in her chest.

He awoke with a sharp gasp, and tears immediately stung his eyes but he quickly wiped them away and buried his face in his arms, his forehead against the desk. He could feel his arms shaking. He just couldn't handle it.

He jumped when the bell rang. Within seconds, Mrs. Hertz was beside him, looking down on him.

"Mr. Dunbar, may I ask why you have been falling asleep so often in my class?"

"It's not just your class, don't take it personally," William mumbled, keeping his head down. Mrs. Hertz sighed.

"Allow me to rephrase. May I ask why you have been falling asleep so often in all classes?"

"Because I have nightmares whenever I sleep, and I can't stand it!"

William got up, quickly leaving the room. Mrs. Hertz called after him but he ignored her, quickly hurrying down the hallways and out of the science building. He made his way to the cafeteria, where he slowly went inside. The room was filled with familiar faces, eating their lunches happily and having conversations. William got his lunch, quietly thanking the woman behind the counter, and started to find a table. As he walked down the aisle looking for an open seat, he finally came across the table where all of his friends were.

The five of them looked up at him in silence, watching him. There was an open seat at their table. He looked at the seat briefly and then locked eyes with Yumi. She just stared back at him. So many times he had watched her die by his hand in his nightmares. It was rather strange to look at her now. He took a deep, quiet breath.

"Do you want to sit with us, William?"

William looked to Aelita, who was smiling warmly. Quickly, William lowered his head and mumbled, "No," and continued down the aisle past their table. Glancing back, he noticed all of them were glaring at Aelita. William's head fell even lower in shame. He found an empty seat in the far corner of the lunchroom where he sat down and ate his lunch in solitude.


	2. 02- Counseling

"Hi, William!"

William jumped with a gasp, dropping the book that was in his hand. He had been falling asleep once again. He looked up at Aelita, who was standing over him, looking down at him with a warm smile. The wind was nice and leaves of the three they were under were rustling. No other students were around. William greeted her and picked up his book, trying to find the place where he left off.

"Mind if I sit with you?"

"Why would you want to sit with me?" he questioned, skimming through the pages.

"Well you're my friend, aren't you?" she asked, cocking her head.

"I wasn't aware."

She sighed and sat down beside him, getting comfortable and hugging her knees. "You didn't really think we weren't friends with you anymore, right?"

"I must be misinterpreting, then," William replied. Aelita sighed again.

"They're just…they'll get over it. Nothing that happened was your fault, William. Make sure you remember that. It was all XANA."

"That's what I want to think but my brain won't listen."

The two sat in silence for a while. William found his page and bookmarked it, closing it. Aelita listened to the wind. After a moment, she leaned on his shoulder, and he his muscles stiffened in nervousness.

"Relax a little, William," Aelita said. "I've noticed you're really tired all the time. Haven't you been getting enough sleep?"

"No, not at all."

"Why not? Something keeping you up?"

"Sleeping's lame."

"Come on, what's the real reason?"

"I, uh…I've been having a lot of nightmares. I don't like them, so…I've been trying to stay awake," William replied. Aelita looked at him.

"You need to sleep William," she said, worried. He just shook his head. "Well…what are your nightmares about?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Come on, I bet I could help. Maybe something in your life is affecting your dreams."

"I don't want to talk about it, it's a terrible conversation topic!"

"We don't have to have perfect topics."

Suddenly, someone was calling for Aelita. They both looked to see the group walking through the park toward them. "Aelita!" Jeremy called, nearing. The four of them all looked at William and stopped. Aelita sighed and looked at William.

"Well, I promised them I'd play foosball with them. Wanna come?"

"No."

"Oh. Well, you should at least sit with us at lunch, tomorrow. At least think about it, okay? And if you ever feel like talking to someone, about anything, I'm here. We _are_ friends," she said, standing up. "See you later." She sprinted over to her friends and the group turned away to go back to the school. William watched them leave, saddened. He picked up his book and resumed his reading.

Later that night, William was walking through the dorm back to his room, dreading the night. When he got to the floor his room was on, he found Jim standing outside his door, his hands on his hips. William slowed his pace and walked up to Jim.

"Listen, Dunbar. I've scheduled a meeting for you with the counselor in the morning. Make sure you get there, all right?" he asked. William sighed and went to open the door, but was blocked by Jim. "And also, try not to scream tonight, okay? I don't know what's going through that head of yours, but the other students have all been complaining."

William glared up at Jim and shoved past, going into his room and slamming the door behind him. He practically threw himself into his bed, staring at the wall and thinking hard about what to do. His bed felt so comfortable…

He shook himself awake and sat up straight, taking a deep breath.

He jumped a bit when his phone suddenly beeped.

Pulling it out of his pocket, he looked at it. He had received a text message from Aelita. Contemplating whether or not to open it, he finally clicked on it and read what she had wrote: _"Go to sleep tonight! If you have a nightmare, just remember it isn't real. And if you do, talking about it really does help. –Aelita"_

He sighed and turned off his phone, tossing it onto the end of his bed. He sighed again and laid down on his bed nervously. Closing his eyes, he thought of all the times before XANA, before everything. He tried to think happy thoughts. And within moments, he was asleep.

This time, the dream ended with him killing Aelita.

He shot up in his bed, sweaty and crying. He screamed once but quickly stopped himself, grabbing his pillow and pressing it against his face with as much force as he could. He screamed into the pillow instead. He ran out of air and gasped, pulling the pillow away. He broke down into sobs but tried to control himself. _It isn't real, it isn't real,_ he thought over and over. _It isn't real!_

There was a knock at his door and without waiting for consent, Jim stepped in.

"Dunbar," he said, looking at William. Getting angry, William threw his pillow at him.

"You think I like having this happen?!" he screamed. "You don't understand, Jim, get out!"

Jim sighed. "Do you want to talk abo—"

"_No, I don't want to talk about it!"_

Standing there for a moment more, Jim turned and left the room. William sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity, and then fell back on his bed once again, without his pillow. He thought of happy thoughts once again and went back to sleep.

He just woke up crying again.

He didn't bother trying to go back asleep after that, and before he knew it, the bell was tolling, 6 AM. He stayed in his bed, sitting against the wall. He didn't want to go to classes or lunch or anywhere today. He wanted to shrivel up and cease to exist. Time passed, and one class was over, one class missed. As the bell indicating the beginning of the second class chimed, there was a knock at his door and once again Jim just waltzed right in.

"Now you're skipping class! Dunbar!" he boomed. William just stared at him. Seeing the expression on William's face, Jim's anger suddenly ceased and he looked saddened. "Huh, I guess this problem is a bit worse than I thought. Well, come on, it's time to go see the counselor, anyway. Come on, get up!"

William slowly got up, pulled a black hoodie and his brown boots on, and then pulled his hood up. He followed Jim out of his room and out of the dorm altogether. Following Jim, they went to the administration building, and to the counselor's office. Jim knocked on the door and opened it, leaning in. "William Dunbar is here to see you."

He pushed William in and closed the door. The kind-looking woman at the desk gestured to the seat across from her. "Come in, sweetheart, sit down." William obeyed and sat, keeping his head low and staring at the ground. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Ms. Greene. So, I've been told you're having problems sleeping?"

William stayed perfectly silent, staring at the floor.

"Talking helps, you know. If I know what's wrong, I can help you."

He looked up at her; that was what Aelita said.

"Come on, I'm here to listen, and to help. I promise I won't tell anyone else about anything you say to me. Now, why are you having problems sleeping? Let's start with that."

William stared at her for a moment. Finally, he mumbled, "Nightmares."

"Nightmares? What kind of nightmares? Can you tell me that?"

William hesitated, but the counselor urged him on. He quietly replied, "I kill all of my friends."

The counselor seemed a bit shocked by his reply, but remained calm and smiled sympathetically. "Is there any reason as to why you might want to kill your friends?" William just shook his head in response. "Did something happen between all of you?"

"Mistakes," William replied vaguely. The counselor cocked her head, waiting for more.

"What kind of mistakes?" she asked when William had nothing more to say.

"The kind where I'm just a nuisance and they all hate me, and now that I'm back, they still hate me."

"Are you mad at them for hating you? Is that, perhaps, why you have nightmares about killing them?"

"No."

"Jim told me you've been waking up screaming a lot."

"I hate the nightmares."

"No one likes nightmares, dear. Maybe you should try talking to your friends. Try to make peace with them. Maybe then, your nightmares will stop."

"They don't want to talk to me."

"Have you tried talking to _them?"_ she asked. William shrugged.

"I guess, but they don't want to talk to me. You can see it all over their faces when I'm around."

"Keep trying. Maybe talk to them one by one rather than all at once. I think if you make peace with your friends, your nightmares will stop. So, make a promise to me and I'll let you leave for today. Promise me you'll try to talk to at least one of your friends, okay? And we'll move on from there. Promise?"

"I promise," William mumbled.

"And remember…nightmares are not real. You're free to go. If you have any problems or ever want to talk, I'm always here," she said. William stared at her. It was like she was repeating everything Aelita had already said. William stood up and quickly left the office. He was nearing the door to leave when Jim appeared.

"I'm gonna walk you to class, to make sure you don't skip again. Now let's go. If you weren't in such a bad state, I'd give you detention. But I'm gonna let it slide."

Sighing, he followed Jim from the administration building toward his next class.


	3. 03- Maybe Tomorrow

William stepped into the cafeteria once again. He got his lunch and looked at all the tables. His seat in the corner was open, but he again looked at his friends. He started down the aisle, debating whether or not to sit with them. As he neared them, Aelita saw him. He slowed when he came to the end of their table.

"Hi, William," Aelita said, smiling. "Are you going to sit with us today?"

"Um…" he started. Looking at the others, they were all staring at him almost angrily, some sadly, as though to cast him off. "Um, maybe tomorrow."

He quickly started toward the empty, lonely seat in the back corner of the cafeteria. Watching him leave sadly, Aelita looked at her friends quickly enough to see their expressions. She yelled at them about it while William once again ate his lunch in solitude, once again feeling rejected.

Later that day, William was sitting beneath his favorite tree, trying to finish his book. Just as he was about to unwillingly drift into sleep once again, Aelita suddenly appeared and sat down beside him again.

"I'm sorry about today," she said.

"Don't be, it doesn't matter," William replied.

"I don't understand why they're being so stubborn about this. I mean, it wasn't your fault. They're treating you like you _wanted_ to be possessed. It's ridiculous!" Aelita said crossing her arms and thinking. "It isn't fair at all."

"It doesn't matter, Aelita," William said again.

Aelita looked at him, surprised. "Oh, yes it does!" she cried. "You're a part of our group and they need to remember that, whether they like it or not! It isn't fair at all!"

She was shaking her head, thinking about the whole thing. William watched her for a moment. When she realized he was watching her and looked at him, he quickly looked away. She stared for a few seconds before looking back to the trees, thinking some more. Glancing back at her, he realized how perfectly the sun was caught by her light green eyes. He loved the color of them. He suddenly thought she was really pretty.

He looked away frantically, picking up his book and trying to read more of it, to no avail.

"So, um, I heard Jim took you to the guidance counselor this morning," Aelita suddenly said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, he did," he replied. "He's worried about my nightmares."

"Did you have another one last night?"

"I had two last night. I had one, woke up, and then tried to go back to sleep, and had a second one."

"Did you remember what I told you?"

"Yeah, I tried to tell myself that it wasn't real, but I still ended up uh…getting in trouble."

"You get in trouble for having nightmares? That's ridiculous!" Aelita cried. "I need to have a talk with Jim about this, it seems. Why is he getting you in trouble for it?"

"Um, never mind, forget I said anything about that," William replied embarrassingly, not wanting to tell Aelita about how he had been waking up screaming and crying.

"Huh? Okay… Well, do you want to talk about your nightmares, now?" she asked, cocking her head. "Remember, talking helps you to feel better."

"No," William replied. "Not yet."

"Okay. I'm always here if you want to talk. I'm sure I can help once I figure out what's wrong."

"Unfortunately, I don't think it's something you can fix."

"I beg to differ, I bet you I could help!" Aelita argued. "But we won't know until you tell me about it and I have some time to think. I might not even need time to think about it."

"Not today," William said.

"I know. Whenever you're ready. I don't want to rush you. I don't think that would help at all."

The bell at the school rang in the distance, and Aelita sighed. "Well, I have to go, now. I have a math class. Will you sit with us tomorrow?"

"Probably not."

"Well, then….I'm going to sit with you!" she said happily. William looked up at her in surprise.

"What?"

"You seem so lonely now that you're back. You won't sit with us at lunch, so I'll sit with you. Maybe the others will follow. You never know! Bye!" she said, waving as she skipped off through the park toward the school. William watched her leave. He was suddenly so mesmerized by her.

He had a strange feeling he didn't remember feeling when he met Yumi.


End file.
